When Your Story Feels "Too Much": Encouragement for the Caring Volunteer

Here at The Church Cares, we aim to nurture the congregational care helpers. That’s why we’re proud to offer free high-quality support to those who want to pray, care, and engage more effectively with the hurting world around them.

By Dr. Jen Ripley, Co-director of The Church Cares

You want to help. You care deeply about people. You’re the first one to show up to share a coffee with a hurting friend, send a text when someone is struggling, or stay a little longer at small group just to pray for someone who needed encouragement.

But when it comes to serving in care ministry, especially the kind of care that involves someone else’s grief, anxiety, or trauma, you might feel a quiet hesitation rise up.

“Can I really do this?”

You might be silently struggling with ideas about your qualifications, especially when you have your own story.

“What if my past with depression, trauma, or deep hurt gets in the way?”

If that’s you, take a breath. You’re not alone. And more importantly, you are exactly the kind of person God delights in using.

Your Story Is Not a Liability

The first thing we want to say is this: your story does not disqualify you from caring for others. It actually prepares you in many unexpected ways.

Scripture is full of examples of God using wounded people to bring healing to others. Paul writes openly about his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7–10). Even though we don’t get to know exactly what Paul’s “thorn” was, it can help us remember that even he had something that he wrestled with, whether it be his past, a mental struggle, or a temptation of some sort.

Pain doesn’t push you out of ministry. It can actually equip you for your calling. Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) says:

            "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Our sufferings and our past pain can be the very thing that God uses to mold our character and give us the strength and ability to help others. It takes a certain kind of character to help people in care ministry, and often, these are people who have experienced a form of darkness in their own lives.

Care ministry is not about having it all together. It’s about being willing to show up. It’s about presence, not perfection. Your personal history, especially when handled with care and boundaries, allows you to walk alongside someone not as a fixer but as a faithful companion.

As we say often in The Church Cares Project, “You don’t need a license to love people well.”

Do you have a redemptive struggle? Do you have a past struggle that God uses to encourage others?

• Yes, definitely true for me
• Somewhat
• Not me
• People struggle?

Why Your Story Can Help, Not Hurt

Here’s what we’ve found through our experience helping people and training helpers:

●     People feel safer with someone who “gets it.” When you’ve been through the valley of depression or the fog of trauma, you carry a compassion that can’t be taught in a textbook. That kind of presence builds trust.

●     Your past pain can open space for others. You don’t have to go into details to be effective. But knowing that you’ve faced darkness and still stand in the light—that gives someone else hope.

●     You’re more likely to walk with, not ahead of. People don’t want perfection. They want honest. Someone who can say, “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here.”

But What If It Feels Too Tender?

You might wonder, “What if I’m still healing? What if someone’s story triggers something in me?”

Those are wise questions. That’s why The Church Cares model emphasizes training, supervision, and healthy boundaries. We don’t ask anyone to serve alone or unprepared.

Part of our approach is helping you discern where you are in your journey and where you feel strong enough to walk with others. That may mean:

●     Starting small (like being a lay listener in a group)

●     Having regular check-ins with a CARE Coordinator or pastor

●     Naming your own limits (“I’m happy to meet once, but I’m not the right fit for long-term support”)

●     Taking breaks when needed

Healing is a process. Helping others doesn’t mean you’ve “arrived”—it means you’re willing to offer what you’ve learned so far. Even the Psalmist says, “Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord” (Psalm 130:1). You can be in process and still be present.

  

Fear of “Messing Up”

Many lay leaders feel a quiet dread that they might say the wrong thing or make things worse.

We get it.

That’s why our training doesn’t just teach theology or mental health terms—it walks you through how to listen, how to pray, and how to walk with someone without taking on the role of a counselor.

In our care ministry model, you’re not there to diagnose, fix, or rescue. You’re there to reflect the love of Christ through listening, prayer, and encouragement. And when deeper needs arise? You refer—with, not out. You stay present, even if a professional needs to join the care journey.

Practical Tips for Serving with Tender History

If you’re wondering how to get started or stay grounded, here are a few tips we’ve seen help volunteers like you:

1. Be honest with your leaders. Share your concerns with your CARE Coordinator or a trusted staff member. Together, you can find the right role.

   
   

2. Know your triggers. If there are topics or types of care that are too close to home, that’s okay. There are other needs to meet.

   
   

3. Stay rooted in community. Don’t serve alone. Join prayer groups, connect with other caregivers, and let others pour into you.

   
   

4. Use the training. Our videos and resources are designed to help you grow in confidence and clarity. Take it one module at a time.

   
   

5. Pray often. Before and after each conversation, ask God to lead. You’re not doing this by yourself.

   
   

6. Remember: Presence is the strategy. You don’t need to “fix” someone’s pain. You just need to show up and stay with them.

   
   
   
   

You Already Have What People Need Most

We’ll end with one of our favorite reminders:

●     Your experience is not a disqualification; it is the thing that God used so that you can help many people.

●     You already have what you need most: a willing heart and love for people.

●     In a world full of noise, pressure, and professional jargon, there is still no substitute for a caring voice, a patient presence, and a gospel-shaped hope.

●     You are part of the solution.

●     You are what the Body of Christ looks like when it shows up.

●     Your story and testimony are powerful, not something to hide.

●     So many people can be helped through your experiences and your caring heart.

You may never know the full impact of your story, but someone else’s breakthrough might begin with your bravery. Not because you have all the answers, but because you were willing to sit with them in the questions. Your past pain doesn’t make you too much; it makes you approachable. Relatable. Real. And in a world where so many feel unseen and overwhelmed, your quiet presence, your “me too” whispered in love, can be the very thing that helps someone believe healing is possible.

So come as you are. God isn't asking for perfection. He’s inviting you to love with the same comfort He’s given you. And that kind of care?

It changes lives.