Please Just Listen: Why Fewer Words Can Be More Healing Than You Think
- The Church Cares
- Nov 23
- 5 min read
Here at The Church Cares, we aim to nurture the congregational care helpers. That’s why we’re proud to offer free high-quality support to those who want to pray, care, and engage more effectively with the hurting world around them.
By Reema Smith
Doctoral Candidate in Clinical Psychology, Regent University, Social Media Coordinator for The Church Cares
What we say matters, but what we don’t say often matters more.
Have you ever been sharing how you feel with someone and instead of really listening, they just tried to fix it?
You’re barely finished explaining your pain when they jump in with:
● “You just need to trust God.”
● “Have you tried counseling?”
● “Well, at least you still have your health.”
They mean well. You know that. But deep down, it stings.
It feels dismissive, like they think you haven’t already tried to “pray more” or “be grateful.” And even if what they said is true, it doesn’t help in the moment. It misses the point.
What you really needed was presence. Someone who would sit with you in it, not speak over you, not steer the conversation, not try to fix what’s unfixable.
Just listen.
Words Can Heal (and hurt)
The book of Proverbs 18:21 says it beautifully:
“The tongue has the power of life and death.”
And in care ministry, it’s often not the big speeches that make the biggest difference. It’s the quiet company. The restrained response. The sacred space we give when we resist the urge to fill silence with our own solutions.
This is the power of saying fewer words.
Why We Feel the Urge to Fill Silence
When someone’s hurting, it’s human nature to want to say something to ease the tension. We hate seeing people in pain. We want to “help.” But often, what we really want is to relieve our own discomfort.
Silence feels awkward. So we rush to fill it. Pain feels messy. So we try to clean it up with advice.
But when someone is grieving, overwhelmed, or anxious, most “quick fix” comments come across as shallow at best and disrespectful at worst.
We think we’re helping. But what they hear is:
“Let me take over. Let me explain your own life to you.”
It’s not what we mean, but it’s often what they feel.
That’s why Scripture reminds us in James 1:19:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Quick to listen. Slow to speak.
That’s not just wise counsel, it’s a care strategy.
The Ministry of Few Words
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say to someone in distress is:
● “I can’t imagine what that must be like for you”
● “I’m here.”
● Nothing at all.
In fact, some of the most sacred moments in care happen in silence:
● Sitting beside a grieving widow while she cries
● Holding space for a young adult wrestling with questions about God
● Letting someone vent without redirecting the conversation
Jesus modeled this so well in John Chapter 11. Think of the story of Mary and Martha after their brother Lazarus died. Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. He could’ve said, “It’s all going to be okay, just wait.” But what did He do?
“Jesus wept.” —John 11:35
He didn’t give a lecture. He didn’t rush past the pain. He felt it with them.
In that moment, His tears said more than words ever could.
What Happens When We Say Too Much
We’ve all done it: offered unsolicited advice, quoted Scripture too soon, or told a story that shifts the focus back to ourselves. But when we rush to speak, we risk doing three things:
We take the spotlight off the person hurting
Suddenly, they’re comforting us or listening to our story, instead of feeling heard.
We add shame to their pain
“If you had more faith...” or “Maybe you need to forgive…” can unintentionally communicate, You’re doing this wrong.
We sabotage trust
When someone is vulnerable and we mishandle it, they may pull away, not just from us, but from the church or God.
Sometimes, we need to take the advice we often give:
“Just be still.”
What Fewer Words Makes Possible
When we say less, we’re doing more than keeping quiet. We’re:
● Making room for the Holy Spirit to move
● Allowing the person to process in their own words
● Signaling that their story matters more than our response
It’s a spiritual practice to withhold commentary, especially when we feel like we have something “helpful” to say. But silence, when paired with compassion, becomes sacred space.
We don’t need to fill every moment. Sometimes, the absence of words creates the opportunity for God’s presence to speak louder.
A Real-Life Example (From the Video)
In our Care–Prayer–Share series on YouTube, Dr. Sells and Dr. Ripley shared a short reflection on this exact topic. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out here. Check out this social short too, perfect for sharing with care volunteers!
In the video, they talk about how even well-meaning words can land wrong and how being quiet, prayerful, and present often does far more for someone’s soul than a perfectly phrased sentence ever could.
What You Can Do This Week
Whether you’re a pastor, a volunteer, or just someone who wants to care better, here are three simple things you can try this week:
Practice the pause
When someone shares something heavy, count to five before responding. Let their words linger. Let them know you’re not rushing them or rushing to fix them.
Use validating language
Instead of advice, try: “That sounds exhausting.” “I’m so sorry.” “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
End with prayer, not a plan
Often, the best “next step” is simply inviting God into the pain. A short, sincere prayer can offer more peace than ten pieces of advice.
The Takeaway
You don’t need to have all the right words. You don’t need to solve anyone’s problems. You just need to be present. And stay quiet long enough for someone to feel seen.
That’s real ministry.
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”
—Proverbs 20:5
Let’s be people of insight. Let’s listen more than we speak. Because when we do, we reflect the patience and compassion of Jesus Himself.
👉 Watch the Care–Prayer–Share videos that inspired this post here
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If you’ve ever wished someone would just listen, you know how powerful it is. Now it’s your turn to be that someone for somebody else.
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