“Peace on Earth?”: 6 Tools for Managing Anxiety and Family Tensions During the Holidays

Here at The Church Cares, we aim to nurture the congregational care helpers. That’s why we’re proud to offer free high-quality support to those who want to pray, care, and engage more effectively with the hurting world around them.

By Dr. Jennifer Ripley, Ph.D., Co-director of The Church Cares and Ezra, our Church Cares Guide

The holidays can be beautiful—but also brutal.

For many people, this season stirs up stress, grief, anxiety, and family conflict. As a Church Cares Helper, you may be walking with others through some of their hardest moments—and possibly navigating your own. While the lights twinkle and carols play, the weight of unspoken pain can feel heavier than ever.

So how do we show up faithfully in this season—not just as encouragers of others, but as people rooted in Christ’s peace ourselves?

Here’s a practical, biblical guide to managing anxiety and family tension during the holidays, both for those we serve and for our own hearts.

1. Start by Normalizing the Struggle

One of the best gifts you can offer is helping people realize: they’re not the only ones feeling overwhelmed.

The pressure to feel joyful, to create the “perfect Christmas,” or to spend time with difficult relatives can create intense anxiety. Many feel guilty for not enjoying the season or afraid to share their real emotions.

Offer this simple truth: “You don’t have to be okay to belong here.”

This is where the Church Cares ministry shines—offering presence, not perfection. We don’t need to fix people. We listen, pray, and walk with them in the tension.

2. Use the “Push and Pull” Lens

The Church Cares training teaches us to notice the “push and pull” in every story:

• Push: The pain people want to escape (conflict, loss, loneliness).

• Pull: The hope or change they’re longing for (peace, connection, stability).

Helping someone name both sides of that tension can be incredibly clarifying:

“What’s pulling you toward peace? And what’s pushing you toward stress?”

Once they can see both, you can gently explore what one small, faithful next step might look like.

3. Remember: You Don’t Have to Fix Family Tension

Holiday gatherings often expose unresolved relational strain—judgmental relatives, boundary issues, political debates, or past wounds. These dynamics can trigger anxiety or make people dread the season.

As a helper, you can offer two key pieces of wisdom:

• Peacekeeping avoids conflict at all costs.

• Peacemaking moves toward health, even if it’s uncomfortable (Matthew 5:9).

Help others reflect:

“What would it look like to pursue peace—not just keep the peace?”

This may mean setting boundaries, changing expectations, or letting go of the idea that every family gathering has to be picture-perfect.

4. Grief Is Always Louder at Christmas

Whether it’s the first Christmas without a loved one, or the tenth, grief often resurfaces during the holidays. The season is full of reminders of who’s not there.

Be alert for quiet grief. It may show up in statements like:

• “I’m just not into it this year.”

• “It doesn’t feel the same anymore.”

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You don’t have to have the perfect words. Sometimes, just saying “I see you” is enough:

“I imagine this season feels really different without your mom. Would it be okay if I prayed with you?”

The ministry of presence—sitting with someone in silence or sadness—is one of the most Christlike things we can do.

5. Care for the Caregiver—That Means You

Helpers often feel like they have to be strong for everyone else. But you’re human too. This season may stir up your own grief, family stress, or weariness.

The Church Cares framework reminds us that helpers need hope, too. We talk about the highway—an elevated path of faith and courage. Sometimes that path is simply saying:

• “I need rest.”

• “I’m not okay today.”

• “Jesus, help me trust You even in the fog.”

  
  

Take your own soul seriously. Spend time in Scripture. Light a candle and breathe. Ask someone to pray for you. As Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens”—but also let others carry yours.

6. Share the Gospel—With Presence, Not Pressure

In all this, remember the message of Christmas is not “cheer up”—it’s “God is with us.” The incarnation is God entering our chaos. Jesus was born into political tension, a complicated family situation, and less-than-ideal surroundings. He understands.

This is the anchor we can gently offer to those around us:

“Jesus came close to the mess. He hasn’t left you now.”

You don’t need to preach a sermon to be a witness. Your faithful presence is the message. As our Church Cares language reminds us:

“Care begins with presence, not perfection.”

Final Encouragement

Friend, the work you’re doing matters deeply. You are not just holding space for others—you are reflecting Christ’s love in real, tangible ways.

So as the holidays approach, take heart. You don’t have to fix every broken family or calm every anxious heart. You just need to show up—with compassion, wisdom, and trust in the One who holds it all together.

Let’s echo the angels this season—not just with songs, but with lives that whisper peace into the chaos:

“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy.” (Luke 2:10)

Need More Tools?

Visit TheChurchCares.com for free training videos, resources, and practical tools to help your church care well through the holidays—and all year long.